How To Coparent

How to Coparent-Define Coparenting

There are two different kinds of Coparenting relationships, and parents who are trying to work with a difficult coparent need to learn how to coparent using different strategist than those who can coparent without conflict.

how to coparent

how to coparent

Cooperative Coparenting™ and Conflictual Coparenting™ are the two types of coparenting that parents utilize when they share their children from two different homes.This Blog is dedicated to helping parents learn how to manage their Conflictual Coparenting™ Relationship with the other parent and learn how develop their children into wonderful, emotionally happy and healthy adults.  Since Cooperative Coparents™ can generally work things out between the two of them; this blog will also provide strategies to help regarding the resolution of some of the minor issues that may come up.  Conflictual Coparents cannot work things out without the assistance of Family Law and Mental Health Professionals and often court.The best gift you can give your children is to learn how to coparent, by staying out of the court system as much as possible, implementing powerful techniques in your own life and with your children to keep them connected to you and emotionally disengage from the other parent and their attempts to pull you back into the conflict.  An attempt to eliminate the other parent from the children’s lives will create emotional trauma for the children and damage them.  Learning how to coparent with a difficult parent effectively means that you alone must learn to parent to the 100th power and guide your children through the stages of learning how to manage their relationship with the other parent who may be difficult.

These professionals need to guide the parents through the court system effectively, without long drawn out litigation and teach them new skills to manage their relationship with the other parent who may be extremely difficult to work with.  Parents need to learn specific strategies to protect the children from being permanently damaged by the conflict.  This does not include eliminating one of the parents from the children’s lives, however.

If you have a conflictual coparenting relationship, you will need to learn how to coparent with the other parent even when they are difficult to work with.  Some parents are more difficult than others to share the children with.  Your children’s mental health depends on it.

Which type of coparenting do you and the other parent fit into?

Cooperative Coparenting

Cooperative Coparenting is defined as a similar and positive mindset that both parents have about each other and about their relationship with the children.  These parents already know how to coparent with each other and are willing and able to do it.

Both parents:

1. Believe that the other parent has the best interests of the children at heart as their primary focus.

2. Believe that the other parent is valuable, worthwhile, and important in the children’s life.

3. Believe that the children need to have a relationship with the other parent and they actively support that relationship with the other parent.

4. Are willing and able to put their disagreements with each other over child sharing issues, and work together to support the relationship and the child sharing of the children.

5. Are willing and able to do whatever they can to support the decision they have made together for the children and continue to support the other parents relationship with the children.

Now, let’s define the Conflictual Coparenting Couple.  It is important to understand that these parents have an entirely different type of philosophical belief about the other parent and that parent’s relationship with the children.

how to coparent

how to coparent

Conflictual Coparenting  

Conflictual Coparenting is very different from cooperative coparenting. These parent have a negative mindset about the other parent and they fear that the other parent is detrimental to the children. Conflictual Coparents are often unwilling and unable to work with each other because one or both of the parents may have a difficult personality. These parents need to learn how to coparent differently with the other parent.

One or both parents:

1. Believe that the other parent does not have the best interests of the children at heart as their primary focus.

2. Believes that the other parent has fundamental character flaws, parental deficiencies, a personality disorder, or substance abuse issues that interfere with their ability to parent the children. One or both of the parents believe that the other parent is detrimental to the welfare of the children.

3. Believe that they need to protect the children from the other parent, by hiding the children, reducing their child sharing time, badmouthing the parent to the children, or pressuring the children to take sides.

4. Seeks the assistance of the court to help them with their custody and child sharing issues because they cannot work it out with the other parent. However, one or both of the parents will not, or cannot follow the court orders once they are made.

5.  Continues to undermine the other parent’s relationship with the children, in a variety of ways putting the children in the middle and forcing the children to take sides against the other parent.

If you fit the profile for conflictual coparenting definition, you do need to learn how to coparent using a different set of rules and techniques so you can get out of the court system and get on with your life. This blog will offer you many powerful concepts that will help you focus your energy on creating a wonderful relationship with your children while you disengage from the other parent.

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Dr. Deena Stacer is an international parent educator and consultant specializing in high conflict child custody cases. She teaches parents how to end conflict and protect the children. She consults with professionals involved with conflictual cases. She can be reached at 800-980-0434 or Doc@DeenaStacer.com .

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