Coparenting or Parallel Parenting?

dad on beach with girlWhat is Parallel Parenting? Why should parents involved in conflict with each over custody practice a different type of parenting than co-parenting?

Parents who are in conflict usually are not able to cooperatively work together. In this slideshow, parents can learn more about parallel parenting and discover how much easier parallel parenting is than attempting to get the other parent to work with you. Parents need to learn to calm down when they are involved in conflictual custody disputes.

When parents are fighting over the children, they remain upset and are usually unable to pay emotional attention to their children because they are focused on responding to the other parent rather than being able to be emotionally available to their children.  Every time parents hear the other parent’s voice or see their face, they experience anxiety and it takes approximately 3 days to calm down from each of these interactions. When parents have an ongoing dispute with each other they are unable to calm down. Insisting they learn to work together is a giant mistake. It is better to learn how to parallel parent or dual parent. What this means is that both parents create their own rules and discipline for their own home. They do not check with the other parent for approval. Parallel parenting is more effective for parents because it allows them to disengage from the fight and focus their time and thoughts on building better bonds with their children and they are better parent.

mom smilig with girl hug

Dr. Deena Stacer is a parent educator for parents involved in high litigated custody disputes. She offers parents strategies and skills to end the conflict and to understand how the court system really works. Dr. Stacer teaches classes in San Diego in person and has online courses located at www.ParentsInConflict.com.  She can be reached at Doc@DeenaStacer.com or 800-980-0434.

©Deena L. Stacer, Ph.D.     All Rights Reserved.  1/5/14

How to Coparent – Defining Coparenting

How to Coparent – Defining Coparenting

How to Coparent

How to Coparent

When Parents do not know how to coparent, it is because they are having conflict with each other over child sharing issues they cannot resolve. When parents are having conflict with each other, there is often at least one of the parents who has a difficult personality, is struggling with the loss of the relationship, is angry because they have been left, is unable to move on, wants revenge or is having a hard time for some reason. They may continue to have difficulty with the other parent and not know how to co parent either.

Defining the Two Types Of Coparenting

In order to calm the conflict down, we need to teach parents how to co parent first by defining the two different types of coparenting. The first type of coparenting I call Cooperative Coparenting™. The second type of coparenting, I call, Conflictual Coparenting™.

If parents are having conflict with each other there is a high probabiity that they are in a Conflictual Coparenting™ relationship. They need to learn how to co parent with different rules that allow them to calm down, disengage from the conflict, build closer relationships with the children and get on with their life. This video defines the two types of coparenting.

Parents who are having tremendous conflict with each other will find that once they are able to define their type of coparenting relationship, they can start to practice “Parallel Parenting” rather then try to get the other parent to work with them. They must learn how to co parent by practicing a new set of rules in their home that does not require that they get permission from the other parent for any decisions they make in their own home. Parallel Parenting even allows parents to stop talking to each other, over decisions that will always cause arguments. This type of coparenting allows parents to stay focused on their children, rather than reacting and responding to the craziness that the other parent is trying to create.

The children finally get at least one of their parent’s love and attention and they begin to behave better, feel better; and they start to respond back with more affection and closeness to the parent who is disengaging from the fight. Developing closer connections with your children requires following a strategic plan, which I call “Stringing Pearls With Your Children.”

To learn more about these skills, take a coparenting course online and learn how to disengage from the other parent and focus on raising your children to be happy and healthy.

Dr. Deena Stacer is an international parent educator and consultant specializing in high conflict intervention and coparenting strategies to help parents end their conflict and focus on their children. She teaches parents how to coparent with a difficult parent when parents have ongoing cusody disputes.  Parents can attend coparenting courses at http://parentsinconflict.com/lessons.

Dr. Deena Stacer can be reached at Doc@DeenaStacer.com or 800-980-0434.

 

How To Coparent- Effects of Divorce On Children

Effects of Divorce On Children

How to Coparent

Effects Of Divorce On Children Researches have found that the negative effects of divorce on children are more extensive and longer lasting when parents cannot stop their fighting with each other and they stay engaged in bitter disputes over minor and major child sharing issues. Parents admit that they cannot pay attention to their children because they are so distracted by what the other parent is doing or saying about them to the children.

To win this battle, one of the two parents needs to learn how to co parent differently. We call it Parallel Parenting. We teach parents how to disengage emotionally from the other parent, stop reacting and stop responding to their attempts to keep the conflict going. Then the parent who is disengaging is able to use their energy to focus on being “with” the children and developing a powerful relationship that cannot be sabotaged by the other parent.  To eliminate permanenet and negative effects of divorce on children, one of the parents needs to know that it only takes one parent, operating at the highest potential as a parent to take their children to the moon and become a powerful, resourcesful, loving and attentive parent.

This video gives you an overview of some of the effects of divorce on children and some strategies to start disengaging from the conflict. You can take an online coparenting course to help you learn new skills, scripts and stories to permanently end conflict and protect your children from the negative effects of divorce on children.

Dr. Deena Stacer is an international parenting educator and consultant on high conflict intervention and coparenting strategies designed to end conflict with the other parent and protect the children.  Parents can learn online skills to end their disputes, and eliminate the negative effects of divorce on children by taking an online co parenting course designed to end conflict once and for all.

Dr. Deena Stacer can be reached at 800-980-0434 or calling Doc@DeenaStacer.com

How To Co Parent-With A Difficult Co Parent

How To Co Parent- With A Difficult Co Parent

How To Co Parent

How To Co Parent

Defining Coparenting Online Co parenting Classes Many parents today are looking for tools to help them learn how to coparent with a difficult co parent. This video offers parents information on defining the two types of coparenting and introduces parents to some of the concepts taught in the online courses, at Online Co Parenting Courses  When parents get caught in a custody fight and they cannot end it easily between the parents, it is usually because one or both of the parents are difficult to work with. At least one of the parents is unwilling and or unable to work with the other parent. When one of the parents is focused on revenge, anger, distancing the children from the other parent, believes the other parent is dangerous or damaging to the children, these parents are called High Conflict.Parents need to learn new rules and strategies on how to coparent with a difficult co parent so they can get out of the court system as quickly as possible. They need to learn new tools that will keep them connected to their children. The online courses I offer teach parents these tools and techniques. I use stories, scripts and strategies to help parents calm down and disengage from the fight. Parents need to learn how to coparent with a difficult co parent by focusing their energy on building closer, powerful connections to their children to overcompensate for the other parent’s deficiencies.

Watch this video to learn how to define the two types of coparenting and information about the online co parenting courses I teach.

Dr.Deena Stacer is an international parent educator and consultant related to high conflict child custody cases and teaching parents how to coparent with a difficult co parent. Dr. Stacer offers online and live coparenting courses to help parents learn how to end conflict and protect the children. Course information can be found at http://parentsinconflict.com/courses/.

Contact Dr. Deena Stacer at 800-980-0434 or Doc@DeenaStacer.com for more information.