High Conflict Divorce Tips
In a High Conflict Divorce situation, parents often cannot work together to cooperatively coparent their children. Often, one of the parents, often referred to as “the high conflict couple,” has a difficult personality, refuses to share the children with the other parent, believes that the other parent is crazy or unstable, and will frequently file complaints about the other parent with the courts, in an attempt to get more custody time, or to eliminate or limit the other parent’s time with the children.
In a High Conflict Divorce custody case, one or both of the parents may continue to fight over everything, even minor issues that seem silly to the professionals, but keep the conflict going between the parents. Recently, one father went to the child’s school to put a thermometer into the child’s lunch meat to see if the mother had prepared the meat at the right temperature. In another case, a mother kept changing the pick up location on the father, so he was always scrambling at the last minute to get to the exchange on time. She told the court professionals he was always late.
Often, one of the parents in this high conflict divorce (or unmarried) couple situation, is the one driving the conflict, while the other parent is usually the one who is reacting to the conflict and the attempts by the high conflict parent to keep them engaged. Unfortunately, the court professionals usually cannot tell the difference between the two parents, so both parents get blamed. If you are in one of these conflictual situations, it is important that you understand that both parents look like they are fighting with each other, even when one of them is just afraid that if they don’t respond the professionals will believe that the allegations are true.
Working with thousands of high conflict divorce cases has taught me that one of the parents must stop reacting the same way to the conflict, so they can change the dynamics, and get different results. It is not easy to figure out what you should do on your own, especially, when the court system does not make sense, the professionals are often too busy to see what is really going on and their belief is centered around, that both parents need to “learn to get along.”
If you are reading this, you are probably the one who is willing to learn how to end the conflict and you want to get on with the task of being a loving, nurturing, caring parent to your children. You must learn completely new strategies to help you let go of what you cannot control, stop giving up your life energy to the other parent, and start focusing your time and power energy on maintaining a closely connected relationship with your children.
In high conflict divorce situation, the conflict allows the parents to stay engaged, it keeps the high conflict parent from moving on with their life, it makes the good parent act and look like a bad parent because they are distracted by the fight rather than being emotionally present for their children and they are told by the court professionals that they are ruining their children. The good news is that you can alone can end the fight. You can learn to focus your energy on developing a stronger bond with your children, and you can eventually get your case out of the court system.
Here is a short video explaining some of the strategies you will learn from the online parenting courses I offer. If you want to end your conflict, you are sick of being caught in a no-win situation, and you are looking for answers, you should take one of my courses to help you end the high conflict divorce conflict once and for all. To learn more about the courses, watch the video, or go to http://www.parentsinconflict.com/lessons
Many high conflict divorce couples ask, “Which course should I take?” The answer is, if you have been involved with a high conflict personality, as the other parent of your children for any length of time, or the level of conflict is so intense that professionals are shaking their head and saying, I haven’t dealt with a case like yours before (this isn’t true, there are always high conflict divorce cases higher than yours) then you should take the 24, 40 or 80 hour course to learn the skills you will need to get back in control of your life and really protect your children. If you don’t know what to do, you should take a 8-12 hour course to learn the basics and implement the skills of controlling contact, communiation and stringing pearls with your children. The more conflict you have, the higher the frustration level with the other parent, the more the system keeps blaming you or the fear you have about losing your children should drive you to get started taking a course immediately so you can get on with your life in a healthy, happy way.
Deena Stacer, Ph.D. has worked with over 5000 high conflict couples, teach strategies to end the conflict and protect the children. Parents involved in ongoing conflict who want to get out of the court system, what to create a wonderful relationship with their children that cannot be broken will be thrilled to learn there are strategies that work, techniques that can be implemented and the answer is as easy as attending the online high conflict intervention and co-parenting course. You can take this course at your own convenience, in the privacy of your own home, and you can go as quickly or as slowly as you want through the course. Dr. Deena Stacer can be reached at Doc@DeenaStacer.com or by calling 800-980-0434. Contact Deena to determine which course you should take if you have any questions or need help with financing your payments). You will receive a certificate of completion to file with your courts when the course if finished.