How to Coparent – Defining Coparenting
When Parents do not know how to coparent, it is because they are having conflict with each other over child sharing issues they cannot resolve. When parents are having conflict with each other, there is often at least one of the parents who has a difficult personality, is struggling with the loss of the relationship, is angry because they have been left, is unable to move on, wants revenge or is having a hard time for some reason. They may continue to have difficulty with the other parent and not know how to co parent either.
Defining the Two Types Of Coparenting
In order to calm the conflict down, we need to teach parents how to co parent first by defining the two different types of coparenting. The first type of coparenting I call Cooperative Coparenting™. The second type of coparenting, I call, Conflictual Coparenting™.
If parents are having conflict with each other there is a high probabiity that they are in a Conflictual Coparenting™ relationship. They need to learn how to co parent with different rules that allow them to calm down, disengage from the conflict, build closer relationships with the children and get on with their life. This video defines the two types of coparenting.
Parents who are having tremendous conflict with each other will find that once they are able to define their type of coparenting relationship, they can start to practice “Parallel Parenting” rather then try to get the other parent to work with them. They must learn how to co parent by practicing a new set of rules in their home that does not require that they get permission from the other parent for any decisions they make in their own home. Parallel Parenting even allows parents to stop talking to each other, over decisions that will always cause arguments. This type of coparenting allows parents to stay focused on their children, rather than reacting and responding to the craziness that the other parent is trying to create.
The children finally get at least one of their parent’s love and attention and they begin to behave better, feel better; and they start to respond back with more affection and closeness to the parent who is disengaging from the fight. Developing closer connections with your children requires following a strategic plan, which I call “Stringing Pearls With Your Children.”
To learn more about these skills, take a coparenting course online and learn how to disengage from the other parent and focus on raising your children to be happy and healthy.
Dr. Deena Stacer is an international parent educator and consultant specializing in high conflict intervention and coparenting strategies to help parents end their conflict and focus on their children. She teaches parents how to coparent with a difficult parent when parents have ongoing cusody disputes. Parents can attend coparenting courses at http://parentsinconflict.com/lessons.
Dr. Deena Stacer can be reached at Doc@DeenaStacer.com or 800-980-0434.