Coparenting or Parallel Parenting?

dad on beach with girlWhat is Parallel Parenting? Why should parents involved in conflict with each over custody practice a different type of parenting than co-parenting?

Parents who are in conflict usually are not able to cooperatively work together. In this slideshow, parents can learn more about parallel parenting and discover how much easier parallel parenting is than attempting to get the other parent to work with you. Parents need to learn to calm down when they are involved in conflictual custody disputes.

When parents are fighting over the children, they remain upset and are usually unable to pay emotional attention to their children because they are focused on responding to the other parent rather than being able to be emotionally available to their children.  Every time parents hear the other parent’s voice or see their face, they experience anxiety and it takes approximately 3 days to calm down from each of these interactions. When parents have an ongoing dispute with each other they are unable to calm down. Insisting they learn to work together is a giant mistake. It is better to learn how to parallel parent or dual parent. What this means is that both parents create their own rules and discipline for their own home. They do not check with the other parent for approval. Parallel parenting is more effective for parents because it allows them to disengage from the fight and focus their time and thoughts on building better bonds with their children and they are better parent.

mom smilig with girl hug

Dr. Deena Stacer is a parent educator for parents involved in high litigated custody disputes. She offers parents strategies and skills to end the conflict and to understand how the court system really works. Dr. Stacer teaches classes in San Diego in person and has online courses located at www.ParentsInConflict.com/course.  She can be reached at Doc@DeenaStacer.com or 800-980-0434.

©Deena L. Stacer, Ph.D.     All Rights Reserved.  1/5/14

What To Do About Brainwashing in Child Custody Cases

upset woman cartoonWhat To Do About Brainwashing in Child Custody Cases

What To Do About Brainwashing in Child Custody Cases, when family court counselors, attorneys, and judges ideally want all children in a divorce or  family breakup to have good relationships with both parents, no matter how difficult one or both of the parents are. Unfortunately, few counselors or court professionals really know how to stop the damaging parent from hurting the children. Parents with high conflict personality disorders, such as borderline, antisocial, narcissistic, histrionic or addictions have no insight about their behavior, they are unable to empathize with the children, cannot step into their children’s shoes to see what they see, or feel what they feel. High conflict parents are unable to take responsibility for the things they have done in the relationship to bring it to an end.

What To Do About Brainwashing in Child Custody Cases, when high conflict parents do not have the insight to really know  what they are doing to the children really harms them. They do not realize that their behavior will eventually drive the children away from the parent as the children age and develop their own critical thinking skills. High conflict parents cannot stop hurting the children because of their own emotional wounds that are so deep they cannot see past these wounds to understand how the children are wounded by their actions and words against the other parent or about them.

Brainwashing in Child Custody Cases, often means that a high conflict parent bashes and brainwashes the children against the other parent, hoping that their children will reject the other parent and stop loving or being with them. High conflict parents believe that this kind of revenge is necessary and justified. Most often in these cases, the other parent has been trying to follow the court order by keeping silent about the negative things the other parent is saying to the children. The non-conflict parent may even ask for help from professionals, but often professionals do not know how to handle high conflict parents and they are unable to give this parent the scripts to say to their children to insulate them from the damage from the conflictual parent. When you as a non-conflict parent remain silent to your children about the bashing and brainwashing done by the other parent, your children will end up being confused and scarred.

Brainwashing in Child Custody Cases can be powerful enough, that the brainwashing parent may be successful turning the child completely and permanently against the loving non high conflict parent. Because many counselors are not trained on ways to assist parents or children, about emotional brainwashing, by a high conflict parent, the high conflict parent is often allowed to continue saying what they are telling the children that is causing the children confusion and pain. The children are being told that their other parent is evil, cruel, and defective or does not love them the way the high conflict parent loves them.

One mother told me that the children who were four and five years old would come home every time they had been with their father, and cry, Daddy says you are stealing the furniture. Daddy says you won’t let him sell the house. Daddy says you are going to go to jail.” She asked the child’s psychologist for help, on what to do, and what to tell the children about this situation. The psychologist looked at the mother, shook his head, and asked, “What do you want me to do about it?”This answer made the mother immediately feel completely hopeless about her children=s situation. She said that she wanted to take the children and run away. She knew her children were in danger but even the trained court professional could not give her any strategies to stop the bashing. This is one of the reasons parents feel like victims. The many professionals involved with the high conflict court cases often cannot give parents good answers or teach them the tools to protect their children.

When there is Brainwashing in Child Custody Case, It is very important to give parents involved with a high conflict personality hope, that they alone can save their children from the high conflict parent’s negative programing of the children. A high conflict parent is often a master at bashing and bad-mouthing you as the other child’s parent. They will be very successful at brainwashing your children too, if you do not step up and protect the children with specific words to combat their attempts. It will be too late to protect them from the negative programing that the other parent is attempting to use on the children You cannot remain silent, and you cannot fight back through the court system, like you might expect to do. Instead, you have to become skilled at scripts and nurturing activities to protect your children from permanent emotional harm. You will need to learn how to talk to your children so they are removed from feeling responsible about the breakup or the custody arrangement.

For your children, your silence as as the “bashed parent” means that the other parent might be right about what they are telling them.  The children are caught in the terrible position of having to take sides by pleasing the difficult and narcissistically wounded parent who is bashing you.  You need to learn how to talk to your children to protect them, without destroying your child’s love for the other parent.

Use any of the following questions and discussion to determine whether to talk to your children and then apply one or a combination of scripts suggested below to help you insulate your children from the negative impact of a bashing parent. You should not over talk to your children and you must be very careful that you do not berate the other parent so that you child is not caught in the middle of their love for both of you. Whenever possible seek the assistance of a professional before you attempt to discuss any of these issues with your child especially if they are beginning adolescence or teens.

 Questions to ask yourself regarding bashing, brainwashing, and badmouthing by the other parent: 

1. Do you believe that the other parent has a high conflict personality?  If the answer is yes, then you need to tell your children something similar to the following, “Your mom/dad is really angry and hurt about us breaking up and they want me to hurt too.  They think the best way to do this is to tell you bad things about me, so you will stop loving me.  Your mom/dad wants you to get upset with me and believe these bad things.  The bad things they say are not true.  They think that if you stop loving me they will feel better, because I will be hurting like they are too.  Then you will stop loving me because you are angry with me too.  I want you to know that you can love both of us at the same time.  You don’t have to believe the bad things your mother/father says about me.  If you hear things you don’t understands or don’t like hearing, ask me about them.  We will talk about them right away so you can find out what it true and what is not true.  This will help you feel better.  If we need to, we can call your counselor and talk to them too, okay?  I will tell you the truth and you will feel better about knowing what really happened.  Remember, I will always love you.  Since they are hurting a lot, they don’t know how much they are hurting you when they say mean things about me.”

2. Do you believe the other parent is bashing you or is going to try to brainwash the children against you?  If the answer is Yes, then you need to have regular discussions with your children to help them think clearly about what they are hearing from the other parent.  Brainwashing and bad mouthing can be compared to a commercial on TV.  The commercial is designed to get you to believe everything they tell you about their product so you will buy it.

This is only an example for you to use with your children, if you can use real life example that you have previously discussed, that would be better:

“Remember when we watched that cereal commercial about Cereal XYZ?  The people who made that cereal want you to believe that Cereal XYZ makes you smarter, stronger and a happier child.  Remember how they showed the boy hopping and skipping and singing as he came in the classroom?  They tell you on the commercial that Cereal XYZ fills your tummy.  They suggest that if you eat their cereal you also will be hopping, skipping, and singing just like the little boy did.  But they don’t tell you everything about the cereal.  They leave out important information that they don’t want you to know, because they want you to buy and eat their cereal.  They don’t tell you that there is a lot of sugar in their cereal and it really makes you hyperactive.  They want you to believe that their cereal is really good for you.  But sugar in the cereal can make you fat and it can make you feel wiped out if you eat too much.  They don’t tell you that, because, if you knew that their cereal was full of sugar you would not buy it, would you?  If you didn’t buy their cereal, they would go out of business, right?”

“In the same way, your mother/father wants you to hear only the bad parts about me so you will believe them and buy their same ideas they have about me.  Then you will think that I am also a bad person.  If you think I am bad, you won’t want to be around me, anymore right?  They want you to only believe what they say is right.  They don’t want you to think for yourself.”

“Because you love your dad/mom you will want to believe what they say is right.  Then you will get confused and feel sad and angry about what you hear.  You won’t know what to believe anymore or whether it is true or not.”

“To help you get rid of the confusion, you will have to decide inside your head who is right and who is wrong.  It is easier to believe your mom/dad, when you are confused.  If you are feeling bad, they can put pressure on you to accept that they are telling you the truth.  So you start to believe them.  Once you believe your father/mother might be right, you have to decide that I am wrong.  You will stop listening to me, so you don’t feel more confused.  You won’t want to be around me because it keeps confusing you.  You then may start believing more and more what your mom/dad says to you, so you are angry with me.  You can’t show me your love or you will be upsetting your mom/dad.”

?The more you don’t want to be with me, the happier that seems to make your mom/dad.  I know it sounds really scary that you are caught in the middle of this terrible decision so I am telling you right now that this is what you are going to experience.  That is also why I am helping you to learn right now to decide for yourself.  When your mom/dad tells you something that does not feel good, ask me questions, okay?  I love you very much and I want to help you not get hurt like that.  I know you dad/mom loves you too, but they are hurting so much right now that they are not able to stop hurting you.  They want you to hurt me too by not loving me.  Everyone gets hurt when that happens.  It is your mom/dad’s responsibility to get over their anger, not yours.  So when your mom/dad starts telling you something bad about me, or about grandma or about my friends or about what we do here in my home, you can think for yourself.  You can ask me about what they are saying before you believe it.  That way you don’t get confused.  Remember, you can love both of us.”

3. Does the other parent make you feel small, insecure, defective, or weak when they talk to you or argue with you?  Do they accuse you of being flaky, crazy or evil…?  If the answer is Yes, you need to understand that there is a high probability that the Ex will try to do the same thing to the children in order to get back at them.  It is critical that you learn how to give your children powerful messages to protect them from the bashing and brainwashing, which is more than likely going to occur.

Professionals should assist you by putting certain restrictions in place to protect the children, such as a court-ordered counselor for the children and a court order that both parents participate with a counselor.  The child’s counselor and counselors should report back to the courts about their concerns.

4. What specific concerns do you have about the other parent?  Does this information require that you talk to your children about the concerns?  Can you clearly identify what are the concerns you have about the other parent?  Are they overly attached, unable to offer empathy, angry all of the time, emotionally unstable, changing moods like the winds change?  You have to be able to clearly define exactly what your concern is with the other parent so you can identify what to say to the children and what actions to take to insulate them from the other parent’s efforts to bash you or brainwash them.  You may require the help of a professional to define clearly what the concerns are.  Does the other parent have a high conflict personality?  Do you have a legitimate concern about the other parent’s ability or willingness to hurt the children?  The answers to these questions will help you work with a professional to protect or insulate the children from the other parent’s efforts to brainwash them against you.  You will need specific rules in the court order to keep your children monitored and protected because of the high conflict parent=s attempts to bash or brainwash.

One mother who initially told me that she was the only one who could console her child in the middle of the night when her daughter woke up crying described giving her two bottles of milk and comforting her for an hour until she fell asleep.  The child was two-years,five months old at the time we met.  That was not enough a big enough reason to stop the father from having overnights with his daughter.  However, as I listened to her stories about the child’s father, it became apparent that the father was actually a very dangerous parent.  He had already placed his daughter in danger on at least ten different occasions during her short life.  When she was six months, he lifted a pressure cooker lid, and the steam burned the child’s hand so severely, it took three months to heal her hand.  Another time, he put her on a bicycle built for a five-year-old and left her to ride alone.  She fell off and hit the inside of the pick-up truck, where she was riding around on the bicycle.  She needed six stitches in her forehead.  He taught her to get a chair and climb up on the chair to turn on the gas burners on the stove, all by the time she was two and a half.

This father tried to get the court professionals to believe that the mother was overly protective.  The mother had reason to be terrified for her daughter’s safety while in the father’s care.  There had been domestic violence against the mother throughout the marriage, and after the breakup, the father told the mother that he was going to get to fifty percent custody, because that was the way things worked California.  She was terrified about this happening.  Once she got her story out, she created a time line for her attorney outlining all of the past events that had occurred for her child.  This was a high conflict case because the father managed to point out to the professionals that the mother was overly protective and unstable.  This created a diversion and confusion for the mother, which gave the father adequate time to argue that he should have equal child sharing time. Eventually, the mother did get sole custody, based upon the father’s dangerous behavior and the child being able to tell the story of what the father was doing once she was six.

5. If you don’t talk to the children about the other parent’s problems, will the children be at risk for being brainwashed against you?  Is the problem you are worried about serious?  If A “yes” then you must tell your children the scripts, as suggested in the previous examples.  Ask this question, If nothing is done, will the other parent damage the children’s relationship with you? Will your children be in danger of emotional abuse while with the brainwashing parent?  If the answer is Yes, you need to get help from an experienced professional to guide your through these decision making issues.  Often, what you consider dangerous to a professional in the court system is ignored by them rather than honored.  You will need to communicate with the court professionals to see if they react the same way you expect them to react about your concerns about your child.  Often we get frustrated about the court’s unwillingness to remove or reduce the child’s time with one of the parents because they are not sure the issues you are worried about are going on. You as a parent must become focused on learn the skills yourself and implementing the strategies in your own, while surrounding yourself with other family and friends who role model appropriate and exceptional adult skills. You may want to stop going to court to prove the other parent is bad and just get to work and focus on what you can do to mange the Brainwashing in your child custody case.

If the other parent is telling your children true information about you, but it is not appropriate for them to know about, such as an affair, pregnancy by another man, or they being arrested for something, you need help from professionals with, talk to your children without confusing them even more.  You need to be able to share the truth with the children while insulating them from the other parent’s anger and hurt. Seek help from a professional on how to communicate these truths appropriately.

If the other parent only accuses you of these things, and there is no truth to the accusations, you need to discuss the issues with your children, as suggested in the examples above.  You will need to talk openly to the children about the other parent’s fears and your fear that the children will stop loving you.  You need to tell your children, Your mother/father is trying to get you to hate me because they believe you will love them more than me.  By telling you bad things about me that are true/not true, they think you will stop loving me.  They will be happy about you feeling angry like they do.  That is not right.  It is hard on you when they want you to take sides.  They don’t understand how bad it makes you feel when they say bad things to you.  When your father/mother says mean things to you about me, you can say, I love you very much and I always will dad/mom.  Okay?

6. How can this information be told to your children without criticizing the other parent and doing the same thing to the children the other parent is doing to you?  You need help from professionals who can define the proper scripts to say to your children without letting your anger or fear show.  Professionals need to assist you with how to give loving messages to your children when you have to tell your children negative information about their other parent.  The goal is to help you educate your children so they still love the other parent, but are not be damaged by them.  Unfortunately, for most high conflict personality parents, it is almost impossible to convince them that they should encourage your children to love you, it is too big of a threat

Other questions to think about include:

  • Will telling the children this information actually take the pressure off them?
  • Will it help the children feel safer and less confused?  How will this information keep the children from being brainwashed?
  • Do the benefits of sharing this information with the children; outweigh the emotional risks of knowing the information?
  • Could this information backfire on the children or on you?
  • How can the parent tell the children this information so that it supports their self-esteem?
  • What is the best way to share this information with the children, through professionals or through you?

Seek out a competent professional to help you develop appropriate scripts for your children.  When a parent is told to wait for things to settle down by professionals, the children are immediately vulnerable to the other parent=s efforts to emotionally damage them.  The silence from the parent actually reinforces the brainwashing parent to continue brainwashing.

You need to learn how to “String Pearls” with your children by creating positive anticipation with them.  When you string activities and events with your children together, you create positive anticipation with your children by getting inside their imagination.  To learn more about how to insulate your children by Stringing Pearls with your children, go to www.ParentsInConflict.com/courses and read the series of articles that will teach you how to string pearls with your children.  Read the blog for additional articles on coparenting strategies with a high conflict coparent at www.HowToCoparent.com

Deena Stacer, PhD, has been teaching parents how to end the conflict and save the children, using proven strategies, scripts and skills that protect the child from being damaged by a high conflict custody flight, since 1997 for the San Diego Courts. She has traveled as far away as Hong Kong to teach  court professionals here strategies to end conflict and protect the children.

She offers online co-parenting classes at www.ParentsInConflict.com/Courses. These courses cover parallel parenting approaches, scripts, skills, strategies to disengage from the fight and use the energy to get into the child’s world and give them the skills they need to grow up happy, well adjusted and fulfilled.  Parents receive a certificate of completion after attending the online course. If you live in San Diego, you can attend the live courses she teaches in person.

Deena Stacer can be reached toll free at 800-980-0434 or by email at Doc@DeenaStacer.com

©Deena L. Stacer, Ph.D.  All Rights Reserved. You may not reproduce this article without express permission

 

High Conflict Divorce Tips

High Conflict Divorce Tips

Daughter stood with arguing parentsIn a High Conflict Divorce situation, parents often cannot work together to cooperatively coparent their children. Often, one of the parents, often referred to as “the high conflict couple,” has a difficult personality, refuses to share the children with the other parent, believes that the other parent is crazy or unstable, and will frequently file complaints about the other parent with the courts, in an attempt to get more custody time, or to eliminate or limit the other parent’s time with the children.

In a High Conflict Divorce custody case, one or both of the parents may continue to fight over everything, even minor issues that seem silly to the professionals, but keep the conflict going between the parents. Recently, one father went to the child’s school to put a themometer into the child’s lunch meat to see if the mother had prepared the meat at the right temperature. In another case, a mother kept changing the pick up location on the father, so he was always scrambling at the last minute to get to the exchange on time. She told the court professionals he was always late.

Often, one of the parents in this high conflict divorce (or unmarried) couple situation, is the one driving the conflict, while the other parent is usually the one who is reacting to the conflict and the attempts by the high conflict parent to keep them engaged. Unfortunately, the court professionals usually cannot tell the difference between the two parents, so both parents get blamed. If you are in one of these conflictual situations, it is important that you understand that both parents look like they are fighting with each other, even when one of them is just afraid that if they don’t respond the professionals will believe that the allegations are true.

Working with thousands of high conflict divorce cases has taught me that one of the parents must stop reacting the same way to the conflict, so they can change the dynamics, and get different results. It is not easy to figure out what you should do on your own, especially, when the court system does not make sense, the professionals are often too busy to see what is really going on and their belief is centered around, that both parents need to “learn to get along.”

If you are reading this, you are probably the one who is willing to learn how to end the conflict and you want to get on with the task of being a loving, nurturing, caring parent to your children. You must learn completely new strategies to help you let go of what you cannot control, stop giving up your life energy to the other parent, and start focusing your time and power energy on maintaining a closely connected relationship with your children.

In high conflict divorce situation, the conflict allows the parents to stay engaged, it keeps the high conflict parent from moving on with their life, it makes the good parent act and look like a bad parent because they are distracted by the fight rather than being emotionally present for their children and they are told by the court professionals that they are ruining their children. The good news is that you can alone can end the fight. You can learn to focus your energy on developing a stronger bond with your children, and you can eventually get your case out of the court system.

Here is a short video explaining some of the strategies you will learn from the online parenting courses I offer. If you want to end your conflict, you are sick of being caught in a no-win situation, and you are looking for answers, you should take one of my courses to help you end the high conflict divorce conflict once and for all. To learn more about the courses, watch the video, or go to http://parentsinconflict.com/courses/

Many high conflict divorce couples ask, “Which course should I take?” The answer is, if you have been involved with a high conflict personality, as the other parent of your children for any length of time, or the level of conflict is so intense that professionals are shaking their head and saying, I haven’t dealt with a case like yours before (this isn’t true, there are always high conflict divorce cases higher than yours) then you should take the 24, 40 or 80 hour course to learn the skills you will need to get back in control of your life and really protect your children. If you don’t know what to do, you should take a 8-12 hour course to learn the basics and implement the skills of controlling contact, communiation and stringing pearls with your children. The more conflict you have, the higher the frustration level with the other parent, the more the system keeps blaming you or the fear you have about losing your children should drive you to get started taking a course immediately so you can get on with your life in a healthy, happy way.

Deena Stacer, Ph.D. has worked with over 5000 high conflict couples, teach strategies to end the conflict and protect the children. Parents involved in ongoing conflict who want to get out of the court system, what to create a wonderful relationship with their children that cannot be broken will be thrilled to learn there are strategies that work, techniques that can be implemented and the answer is as easy as attending the online high conflict intervention and coparenting course. You can take this course at your own convenience, in the privacy of your own home, and you can go as quickly or as slowly as you want through the course. Dr. Deena Stacer can be reached at Doc@DeenaStacer.com or by calling 800-980-0434.  Contact Deena to determine which course you should take if you have any questions or need help with financing your payments). You will receive a certificate of completion to file with your courts when the course if finished.

 

 

 

 

Court Approved Parenting Classes For Parents Fighting over Custody

cropped-coparenting-Blog-Header1.jpgIf you are struggling over child sharing and custody with a difficult coparent, you must learn powerful strategies to change the way to manage your case. You should take one of theses online Court Approved Parenting Classes for parents who cannot stop fighting over custody of their children. You will learn strategies to help you get out of court, stop the fight, focus your energy on the children instead of the other parent and get your life back. You need to learn how to control the contact and communication and how to end the conflict once and for all.

Parents are often worried about losing the love of their children when they are fighting over time with the children. They also worry that their children will be messed up by the breakup and the other parent. By taking a court approved parenting class for parents who are struggling over child sharing issues, you will learn how to make sure your children turn out ok and are not permanently damaged by the breakup or the conflict.

The online ParentsInConflict.com program offers a variety of court approved parenting classes for parents struggling with a high conflict custody case. Parents can take the course online at their own pace, and learn new ways to end the conflict once and for all. Often, parents who are at war with each other need to learn new rules to manage a difficult coparenting relationship. Parents will learn how to disengage from the other parent, learn how to stop reacting to the silly attempts to get the other parent to respond and what the courts care about. Parents will learn how to eliminate conflict and calm down so they can be focused on building a powerful, healthy relationship with their children. The court approved classes allow parents to apply the skills they learn immediately to bond more closely with their children.

The online ParentsInConflict.com program offers a variety of court approved parenting classes for parents. There are 2 hour courses, 6, 8, 12, 18, 24, 40 and 80 hour courses that are all designed to assist parents with ending the conflict once and for all. Parents who are worried about how to coparent will be relieved to learn that it only takes one parent to end conflict and one parent to develop emotionally healthy children. Do not wait, get started today learning how you can get on with your life and leave the other parent in the dust!

How to Coparent – Defining Coparenting

How to Coparent – Defining Coparenting

How to Coparent

How to Coparent

When Parents do not know how to coparent, it is because they are having conflict with each other over child sharing issues they cannot resolve. When parents are having conflict with each other, there is often at least one of the parents who has a difficult personality, is struggling with the loss of the relationship, is angry because they have been left, is unable to move on, wants revenge or is having a hard time for some reason. They may continue to have difficulty with the other parent and not know how to co parent either.

Defining the Two Types Of Coparenting

In order to calm the conflict down, we need to teach parents how to co parent first by defining the two different types of coparenting. The first type of coparenting I call Cooperative Coparenting™. The second type of coparenting, I call, Conflictual Coparenting™.

If parents are having conflict with each other there is a high probabiity that they are in a Conflictual Coparenting™ relationship. They need to learn how to co parent with different rules that allow them to calm down, disengage from the conflict, build closer relationships with the children and get on with their life. This video defines the two types of coparenting.

Parents who are having tremendous conflict with each other will find that once they are able to define their type of coparenting relationship, they can start to practice “Parallel Parenting” rather then try to get the other parent to work with them. They must learn how to co parent by practicing a new set of rules in their home that does not require that they get permission from the other parent for any decisions they make in their own home. Parallel Parenting even allows parents to stop talking to each other, over decisions that will always cause arguments. This type of coparenting allows parents to stay focused on their children, rather than reacting and responding to the craziness that the other parent is trying to create.

The children finally get at least one of their parent’s love and attention and they begin to behave better, feel better; and they start to respond back with more affection and closeness to the parent who is disengaging from the fight. Developing closer connections with your children requires following a strategic plan, which I call “Stringing Pearls With Your Children.”

To learn more about these skills, take a coparenting course online and learn how to disengage from the other parent and focus on raising your children to be happy and healthy.

Dr. Deena Stacer is an international parent educator and consultant specializing in high conflict intervention and coparenting strategies to help parents end their conflict and focus on their children. She teaches parents how to coparent with a difficult parent when parents have ongoing cusody disputes.  Parents can attend coparenting courses at http://parentsinconflict.com/courses/. Or Print a flyer about the courses.

Dr. Deena Stacer can be reached at Doc@DeenaStacer.com or 800-980-0434.

 

How To Coparent- Effects of Divorce On Children

Effects of Divorce On Children

How to Coparent

Effects Of Divorce On Children Researches have found that the negative effects of divorce on children are more extensive and longer lasting when parents cannot stop their fighting with each other and they stay engaged in bitter disputes over minor and major child sharing issues. Parents admit that they cannot pay attention to their children because they are so distracted by what the other parent is doing or saying about them to the children.

To win this battle, one of the two parents needs to learn how to co parent differently. We call it Parallel Parenting. We teach parents how to disengage emotionally from the other parent, stop reacting and stop responding to their attempts to keep the conflict going. Then the parent who is disengaging is able to use their energy to focus on being “with” the children and developing a powerful relationship that cannot be sabotaged by the other parent.  To eliminate permanenet and negative effects of divorce on children, one of the parents needs to know that it only takes one parent, operating at the highest potential as a parent to take their children to the moon and become a powerful, resourcesful, loving and attentive parent.

This video gives you an overview of some of the effects of divorce on children and some strategies to start disengaging from the conflict. You can take an online coparenting course to help you learn new skills, scripts and stories to permanently end conflict and protect your children from the negative effects of divorce on children.

Dr. Deena Stacer is an international parenting educator and consultant on high conflict intervention and coparenting strategies designed to end conflict with the other parent and protect the children.  Parents can learn online skills to end their disputes, and eliminate the negative effects of divorce on children by taking an online co parenting course designed to end conflict once and for all. Print The Course Flyer

Dr. Deena Stacer can be reached at 800-980-0434 or calling Doc@DeenaStacer.com

How To Co Parent-With A Difficult Co Parent

How To Co Parent- With A Difficult Co Parent

How To Co Parent

How To Co Parent

Defining Coparenting Online Co parenting ClassesMany parents today are looking for tools to help them learn how to coparent with a difficult co parent. This video offers parents information on defining the two types of coparenting and introduces parents to some of the concepts taught in the online courses, at Online Co Parenting Courses  When parents get caught in a custody fight and they cannot end it easily between the parents, it is usually because one or both of the parents are difficult to work with. At least one of the parents is unwilling and or unable to work with the other parent. When one of the parents is focused on revenge, anger, distancing the children from the other parent, believes the other parent is dangerous or damaging to the children, these parents are called High Conflict.Parents need to learn new rules and strategies on how to coparent with a difficult co parent so they can get out of the court system as quickly as possible. They need to learn new tools that will keep them connected to their children. The online courses I offer teach parents these tools and techniques. I use stories, scripts and strategies to help parents calm down and disengage from the fight. Parents need to learn how to coparent with a difficult co parent by focusing their energy on building closer, powerful connections to their children to overcompensate for the other parent’s deficiencies.

Watch this video to learn how to define the two types of coparenting and information about the online co parenting courses I teach.

Dr.Deena Stacer is an international parent educator and consultant related to high conflict child custody cases and teaching parents how to coparent with a difficult co parent. Dr. Stacer offers online and live coparenting courses to help parents learn how to end conflict and protect the children. Course information can be found at http://parentsinconflict.com/courses/. Print the flyer for the courses.

Contact Dr. Deena Stacer at 800-980-0434 or Doc@DeenaStacer.com for more information.